ORIENT EXPRESS

Date of visit – November 2008

Do you watch Hercules Poirot? I ask because I’m writing about the Orient Express, without the murder. It’s rather like watching moving wallpaper, but I obviously prefer that to static emulsion as I have sat through hours and hours of episodes. The inimitable (thankfully) Mr Suchet catching the criminal with his ‘little grey cells’ and nothing else. The same half dozen hackneyed French phrases get pulled out for every episode, never more, never less.

Despite all that, I wanted to go on the Orient Express. Everyone I know that had been said how wonderful it was, but they should have used the word ‘opulent’, because that is how it felt, from the moment I stepped foot in my tiny sleeping compartment until I stepped off in Venice railway station.

The food was at the luxury end, with lobster, turbot, steak and truffle oil included on the short menu

  

Breakfast was even more fun. I woke at around 8 am to the waiter bringing breakfast to the compartments. I was warm and snug under my thick white duvet. Paul opened the blind to snow on the ground and on the Alps outside. The contrast was exquisite. Coffee and croissants served in solid silver jugs – heavenly.

Don’t say you can’t afford it. Start saving now! Put together ten pounds and open a savings account.

Today!

THE HIND'S HEAD, BRAY

Dates of visits – Several from 2008 - 2011

No doubt you have heard about the Fat Duck at Bray. Well, this is not a review but  a case study in trying to book a restaurant when all the critics are saying it is the best restaurant in the country – it later went on to win that accolade. Well, we used to moor our boat at Bray, so passed the Fat Duck very often, and decided we should try it, although neither of us fancied the snail porridge

I found the number and rang many times before I could get through, as it was permanently engaged. When I did finally get through, it was to an answer phone informing me that they were fully booked for the next three months, and to call back at a future date that they quoted.

Ha ha, thought I, I’ll call in, which I duly did one day when we were passing. It was late afternoon, all the lunchers had left, and the staff were having a break before the evening onslaught. I asked if I could make a booking, but of course not. I had to phone. I checked whether I had the correct number, and was told that it was. Really? Are Giles Coren and AA Gill going through all this nonsense? I don’t think so.

I was telling a friend of ours about the trouble I was having, and he triumphantly pulled out his phone. “ I bank with Couttes,” he informed me smugly. “They have a concierge service. They’ll get us a reservation.” Sure enough, a day or two later he phoned with a date. Damn and blast! We were on holiday. Sorry, Dave, if that cost you anything!

By now the Fat Duck had won the Best In Britain Award, so booking was even more impossible, and I gave up, consoling myself with eating at the Hinds Head in Bray, which is also owned by Heston.

And then he had the great food poisoning drama, and the restaurant had to close. And when it re-opened the moment had passed and I had moved on. I might never get the opportunity to refuse his snail porridge!

You get the same quality – and his triple cooked chips – at a fraction of the price in the Hind’s Head. The pub is right in the middle of Bray – about two hundred metres from the Fat Duck, and wonderfully old-fashioned, but everything is shining and spotless. The staff are excellent, and sometimes you get to eat something that Heston is trialling for the Fat Duck. You’ll need to book for the formal restaurant and at weekends the bar can also be full – not surprisingly.

It is also very dog-friendly, which is a great plus in its favour. Tables are big and old-fashioned, so not somewhere to take buggies.